Nobody beats the Pirates in January

Earlier this week, Pirates’ owner Bob Nutting was doing what the Pirates do best: talk tough in January. Sure, right now, their opening-day payroll is set to be around $13 million less than it was last year–$40 million less than other small market cities like Cincinnati and Milwaukee–but Bob was not backing down in this interview with the PG:

“We’re not going to accept an inferior performance….Absolutely. We are going to win more games than last year. We are going to see improvement on the field in Pittsburgh, in terms of wins and loses.”

“I said last year that was my expectation and, midway through the season, we clearly weren’t seeing that. And the team took decisive action, made change. That’s part of why you have the broader pool from which the pieces will come for 2010 and moving forward.” (Does Mayor Luke have to drink?)

“What I’m thrilled about is that Neal has the time and opportunity to make good baseball decisions.”

Boy, you’d hardly know from those statements that the Pirates currently have the longest streak of losing seasons in the history of American sports, would you? Granted, this year’s Pirates will be considerably younger than the one that took the field last April, and Nutting seems to imply that the team is saving some of that money to pay these players as they get older. Hmmm. We’ll have to remember that the next time there is a salary dump.

Unlike Mark McGwire, I’m here to talk about the past

So, let’s turn our attention to the second best thing the Pirates do (besides talking tough in January): erecting statues! Now it is Bill Mazeroski’s turn. “Here, here,” I say. Let’s memorialize that man who hit the greatest home run in World Series history. I’m all for any attempt to remind fans and players alike that the Pirates haven’t always sucked eggs. They haven’t revealed what the statue will look like, but it has to be this, doesn’t it? Is there any other pose that would work?

Nothing else would do. Then all us yinzers, as well as out-of-town visitors, can get our picture taken running along with Maz like the immortalized bald, fat guy behind him. Awesome.

Okay, who’s next? Come on, there’s plenty of sidewalk room around that stadium for some more statues. Here are a few ex-players in poses that could be eternally immortalized in bronze:

Kids, take it from Dave Parker. Sometimes you need a smoke break before taking the field.

That's right, feast your eyes on Kent Tekulve. Drink in this athletic specimen.

Just as there was a Precambrian era, kiddies, there was also the Presteroidian era of Barry Bonds.

Don't avoid the past. Let us face it and remember Sid Bream's slide past Mike LaValliere that ended the Bonds era, kept the Bucs from the World Series, and began their ignominious slide into suckitude.

As for Nutting, this is his claim:

“Honestly, I won’t be satisfied with any season until we win a championship. Incremental improvement might be encouraging at some level but, in terms of what’s satisfactory … I’ll be pleased with a championship season.”

Cool, so will we. Unfortunately, this is also Nutting’s claim:

“Do we have enough talent? Absolutely not.”