Super Bowl: easy as a-b-c

 Don’t know about you, but my excitement level for the Super Bowl is in the tank. Like most ‘Burghers, my only concern is A-B-C: Anyone But the Colts. 

It’s not that I necessarily hate the Colts like I hate the Patriots, Ravens, Bengals, Packers, and Vikings (part of my mixed up Steelers/Bears heritage.) It’s just that the Colts are so damned vanilla. Peyton plays like some kind of “aw, shucks”-hayseed-cyborg. (Seriously, if Gomer Pyle, Kenneth from 30 Rock, and The Terminator mated, Peyton Manning would be the byproduct.) The over-under on Super Bowl commercials featuring Manning has got to be somewhere around 25. The Colts defense is vanilla. Their skill players are vanilla. It’s just a passionless, boring, mind-numbing group of no-names. 

Of course I’m for the Saints and New Orleans and everything that a Super Bowl victory would mean for that city. But I also suspect that they have come down with a case of ”just-happy-to-be-here”-itis. Win or lose, they will have their party. On top of that, never would I ever bet a single, solitary nickel against Peyton Manning. I’m hoping for a miracle where the Saints will knock him silly and have him all pouty and yelling at his O lineman for a little protection, but I’d say the odds on that happening are about the same as the Pirates challenging for the NL Central this year. 

So, I look at this year’s game as an excuse to eat fried foods, drink a beer or two or more, watch some creative commercials, and enjoy a mini-concert by The Who–just as long as security keeps Lady Gaga, the Black-Eyed Peas, or Green Day from getting anywhere near that stage. Don’t want a repeat of how they ruined Aerosmith by forcing Britney Spears and N’Sync on them. As long as the producers don’t ruin it, this could be one of the best halftime shows since the Rolling Stones, Bruce, U2, and Prince. Let’s face it, the bar is not that high. 

Lucky Pierres

Other than that, I always enjoy the little statistical anomalies of the Super Bowl. This year, we have the two Pierres: Thomas (starting RB of the Saints) and Garcon (starting WR for the Colts). Seriously, two guys named Pierre. How great is that? Do you know what the odds of that are? Let’s do a little figurin’. 

• There are 25,000 people in the U.S. named Pierre. With more than 300 million people in this country, the odds of being named Pierre is 125,000-to-1.
• Only half are men though, so let’s drop the odds to around 62,500-to-1.
• There are 1,600 players in the NFL. That means that the odds of an NFL player being named Pierre are around 78 million-to-1.
• There’s a very good chance that both Pierres will score in this Super Bowl. What do you think the odds are for two men named Pierre to score in the same Super Bowl? My pencil just broke, but it’s got to be a trillion-to-one.

Pierre Garcon

Pierre Thomas

 Hey, you look for anything to make it interesting, right? So, stock up on water and canned goods because of the world-ending abominable snow storm about to bury us under 5 or 6 inches of snow! Hunker down and enjoy Super Sunday!