To boldly go…

Normally, this week would be taken up with one of my all-time favorite activities: furry watching. Yes, the annual Anthrocon Conference has descended on Pittsburgh, when thousands of “people” with furry tails, ears, feet, and, in some cases, complete animal suits, parade around downtown like it’s some freak-fest Mardi Gras. This is a strange bunch. You don’t even want to know what their nocturnal activities consist of. But I’m more fascinated by who these people are in real life. Last year, Jean and I just happened to be staying at the William Penn Hotel during the convention. It was loaded with foxes and dogs and cats and monsters and whatever animals these folks wear.

The W’m Penn is no cheap hotel. I figured that either these were stock brokers and lawyers with some kinky hobbies or they were trust fund kids. Probably the latter, right?

My theory is that their high society parents gladly send them to Pittsburgh each year with a credit card, just happy that they are getting out into the sunshine with real friends rather than constantly eating Funyuns and playing Halo online in their rooms, as per usual. Who knows? That’s why it’s fun to “people” watch this weekend and engage in endless speculation.

But this weekend, I also will be prepping for a serious scientific exploration. Yes, bright and early on Monday morning, a camera will be going where it has no business going as mankind gets its first-ever glimpse into the colon of the Carpetbagger. It’s just one of those awesome things that get scheduled for you when you turn 50. But you have to do it, men. This isn’t like avoiding the dentist for a couple of years. This is serious. The small polyps they find today can turn into serious problems down the line, calling for much more drastic and life-changing procedures. Psychologically, it is certainly not fun. But the Mrs. had it done a few weeks ago and it is really no big deal.

The prep is the most uncomfortable part. No food after Saturday night. On Sunday, I’ll be drinking a two-week supply of laxatives in about four hours. There will be plenty of reading matter at the ready. Then, it’s “go time.” TMI?

So on Monday morning at 9 a.m. in Shady Side, it’ll be one small step for man, one huge camera cable for colon-kind.


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About carpetbagger

Tom and Jean are just a couple of Chicago transplants in Lawrenceville, a neighborhood of Pittsburgh.

Posted on June 15, 2012, in Misc, Pittsburgh and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. Oh Tom. I was all prepared with a furry convention quip like, “I thought that only happened in Vegas on CSI” and then LEFT TURN into your colon. Have a good oscopy. And then a stiff drink afterward.

  2. Your dad had a colonoscopy on the Monday following Super Bowl, which meant he was prepping when everyone else was enjoying his favorite beverage and snacks. Not too swift! But, then he’s never been a huge sports fan, or he would have known better. –mom

  3. @Joni – I’m not sure Tom wants a stiff anything for at LEAST a couple of days……

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